Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
