My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
