I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
