nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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