Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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