Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
