My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
