she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
third nipple confirmed
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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