We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
