i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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