I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
