tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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