Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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