I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
