She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
