the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
