Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
