I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
