I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize