I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
