I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
