Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he quoted the bible to break up with me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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