Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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