Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
