My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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