And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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