I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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