So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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