peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
