I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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