this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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