i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
