She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
