Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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