i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
