I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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