drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
