Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
