i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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