Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
