before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
