My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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