$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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