I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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