i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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