Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
