He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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