I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
