i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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