I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
