After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
