Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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