quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
