This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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