Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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