Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
