he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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