Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
50% drunk capacity currently
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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