I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
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Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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