what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
