I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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