OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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