You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize