Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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