i think my tv is drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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