If i come over, it means nothing
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
