I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
