Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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