I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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