i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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