theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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