that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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